A Layman's Wine Explorations 13

by William Powell

The computer is to blame. Or rather, the fact that I work on a computer. A lot, and often. According to Microsoft, I belong to the individuals shaped by the digital transformation. In me—and the other creatures of recent years—new "cognitive abilities" have simply developed for the "digital lifestyle". Yes indeed—I'm modern man! Wine, as an ancient cultural asset, can hardly keep up anymore. Or, to put it in the words of the people behind that study: My smartphone ... my children ... my computer ... my friends ... these days, something is vying for my attention at every turn.” As you can see, my Riesling or my Cabernet Sauvignon don't even make the list anymore.

I can't remember a thing

According to the study, the ability to concentrate on just one thing for an extended period has declined rapidly. In 2000, the average attention span was still 12 seconds. Now we can barely maintain our concentration for 8 seconds before we have to switch to something else. Eight seconds! And that's the maximum! Well, what can you possibly find out in eight seconds? Especially about something as complex as wine? I tried an experiment on myself, putting myself to the test at my supermarket's wine shelves. First, ignoring the puzzled looks of my fellow shoppers, I approached the tempting bottles backwards ... otherwise I would have seen the things, and that would have eaten into my time.

The stopwatch as a weapon

Armed with a stopwatch set to eight seconds, I then whipped my head around and tried to pick a wine in those few moments. I ended up with a 2015 New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc with a cute kiwi on its otherwise rather plain label.

Despite its €6.50 price tag, it tasted dreadful, even with my tongue numbed by ice cubes. Next, a Sweet&Fruity Riesling from Württemberg had to go into the basket. It cost €3.49 and tasted more like 49 cents. And finally, a French red for €2.98 found its way to me. It was called Carignan Syrah from Les Vignerons and is probably the modern version of Le Patron. It was great in the spaghetti sauce.

Goldfish pay attention for longer

So what does that mean? Firstly, that my (already extremely modest) ability to choose decent wine for myself isn't going to improve in this lifetime. If anything, it'll get worse. It also means I'll continue to rely on recommendations from friends and well-meaning winemakers ... which has worked fantastically so far, after all. Perhaps I should have the names of wines that taste particularly delicious tattooed on my skin ... like the guy in Memento? Or I'll buy myself a goldfish and take it shopping with me from now on. Goldfish have an attention span of 9 seconds, after all! Let it do the choosing.