Mummy Needs a Drink - Diary of an Exhausted Mother

by Marlen Plönzke

Did you have another perfect plan today that got lost in the chaos? Lost another battle, but not yet given up the war of perfectionism?

Laughter with Pinot Gris

Have you had a laugh today, one straight from the heart? No? Then let's get started! Today's recommendation from our leading lady Ellen is a glass (or bottle) of Pinot Grigio and a little amusement at other mothers' chaos. Close the doors, give the men the baby monitors and the older children the tablets, and laugh tears of joy, understanding and sympathy. You are not alone: the world is full of mothers on the brink of madness, but with a good bottle of wine and good friends to cry, drink and gossip with, it all gets a little easier.

The Novel in Diary Form

Ellen is 39 years old, has 2 children, a dog, a house, a part-time job and a husband who has recently taken to wearing slippers, falling asleep on the sofa and spending his free time in his hobby shed.

She is not the perfect mother and tries to avoid crossing paths with any member of the coven (“…a clique of mothers who are so perfect they make you want to vomit,…”). She is very fond of drinking Pinot Grigio to make the daily madness more bearable. The novel is written in diary form and begins with the perfectly planned first day of school: “6:00 a.m.: I get up, shower and slip into the elegant outfit I selected the evening before from my minimalist capsule wardrobe, consisting of 33 perfectly coordinated items of clothing.”

Which then turns out rather differently in reality:

 “6:00 a.m.: Press the snooze button.

   6:10 a.m.: Press the snooze button again.

   7:10 a.m.: Rush out of bed in a panic and into the shower, then throw on the first clothes I can lay my hands on. Have a panic attack because my arse has apparently grown so wide overnight that I can't get my knickers past my knees.”

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The contrast between wishful thinking and reality on the very first day alone sends you into fits of laughter. You get the feeling someone is watching you through the window as the morning spectacle unfolds in your own home.

A Sharp Tongue and Sarcasm

Gill Sims writes with a tongue sharpened by sarcasm and plenty of humour. All the characters capture the social circle of almost every mother well. Many of the things described are drawn from life; it is an easy, breezy read, full of swearing and unladylike remarks.

Her best friends are divorced Hannah and gay Sam, with whom she often visits the pub simply to switch off. This is also where she comes up with the idea of programming an app about mastering the challenges of parenthood. At first, you get a glass of wine for every level completed; in the higher ranks, you get a glass of gin.

The absolute highlight is, of course, Christmas and the dear relatives. Everyone is there: the endlessly nagging mother, the sister who is always better, and the ultimate treat for pure laughter is the esoteric, organic-minded sister-in-law, along with her husband and their 6 “dear” little ones.

A pure reading pleasure that is unfortunately over far too quickly, a swiftly read fate shared by its 2 sequels. But after this book and that little glass of wine, you can lean back, relax, reflect on your own day and quietly say to yourself: “It could have been worse. Everyone survived today!”